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Friday, March 2, 2012

DISCLAIMER! Warning! Don't try this at home!

The specific details of exactly how I helped McMullen fly the coop are a bit touchy to describe, to say the least. I mean, apart from being self-incriminating, they are also a blueprint for someone else to do it; assuming I describe the procedure adequately. So maybe I should write a disclaimer?

{DISCLAIMER! WARNING! Do NOT try this at home! I am not responsible for any screw-ups if you get caught. In fact, read the blog heading again if you have to.}

But anyway, I'll try and give you the basic idea and you can fill in the blanks yourself...

I wore two sets of clothing about a week before the actually escape day. One set underneath the other. Under my polo shirt I wore another white, button-down dress shirt. I rolled up a black tie and stuffed it in my pocket and left it with the dress shirt in an empty unused locker inside the staff bathroom, along with some nice khakis and an extra pair of socks, the actual morning of the escape. Until then I kept the extra set of clothing locked in a desk drawer inside my classroom that I made sure only I had the key for. I did this by getting a friend in maintenance to hacksaw the key I needed off an allegedly impregnable key ring. I learned a long time ago that if you wanted to keep anything secure, don't use any storage cabinet or closet that had a prison lock on it because the keys were easily available to anyone, especially the C.O.'s who, let's just say were not always the most trustworthy of individuals in the place. The running joke there was, "What's the difference between a correction's officer and an inmate? Answer: One of them got caught. [Ouch! I know. And if you're a good C.O. reading this who took pride in your job and treated everyone fairly and honestly, then my sincere apologies. But if you're not, then go fuck yourself.]

Every staff member had a set of key rings issued by custody that gets stored in a secure key cabinet before and after your work day. You come in in the morning, punch in your key code on a small keyboard panel on the front of the box and take your keys out. Same procedure just reversed before you go home. Anytime before or after those two events, anyone could get your keys out and use them. The key codes were about as secure as a hooker's hoo-hah at a drunken sailor's convention.

So I had the only key to the drawer with the escape clothes in them. They were secure and I moved them into the staff bathroom just outside my classroom the morning of the escape. The tour from China would be coming through my classroom sometime between 10:00 AM and 11:00 AM, so we had to move fast once they hit our area. I'd open the staff bathroom with my key, McMullen would hop inside, change from his inmate browns into the street clothes I planted, then blend in with tour group before the tour left our area. If all went well, he walk right out the front door without anyone noticing a damn thing. Now he couldn't actually leave with the tour group, because custody would count the group's total number and know how many were supposed to be in the group when they left. No, he'd have a better chance just walking out solo or with another civilian or two that might be wandering out the front gate just before lunchtime. But the tour group would provide the necessary cover till he could slip away from them and make his, what I'm sure can only be described as, "intense-yet-still-somewhat-controlled mad dash for freedom."

Oh, almost forgot to mention about McMullen's fake ID. Needless to say, with Photoshop and a decent printer, that lttie task was so easy to accomplish it's almost not worth mentioning. But I did anyway just for the sake of accuracy. So there you have it, the basics of my simple, yet highly effective plan to help one Jerome McMullen escape one Garden Vally State Prison one fine spring day.