If You Like What You Read

Friday, March 23, 2012

Heaven or Hello?

As mentioned earlier, many people think you have to die to go to heaven. And I guess I sometimes too fall prey myself to that particular belief... but is it true? Well, before I can know if it's true, I have to know what heaven is, and I guess (gulp!) what dying is, at least to some degree? And even before that, if I even believe in such ideas. I mean, if I don't believe in the idea of heaven and hell (whatever is meant by those terms), then it really doesn't matter what the hell I think I have to do or not do to get there. Any acts, or random occurrences for that matter, are irrelevant as to any outcome I don't believe in. Hell, they may not even be relevant to the ones I do.

I do believe in heaven and hell though and I don't believe you have to die to get there. It doesn't make sense if you really think about it. I mean, if you die, and then you go to heaven (or hell), aren't you still alive? I mean, if you're not conscious to experience something, then what does it matter what it is? And if you are conscious of something, then guess what? You're alive! You're not dead! So the idea of dying to go to heaven, or hell for that matter, is fraught with erroneous assumptions and logical errors. (Logical errors?) In fact, dying is not a factor in anything really, at least not in the sense of not existing. Nonexistence is not an option as far as I can tell. I mean, if I didn't exist, who would be there to know it? "Exactly!", you might scream at me. And "Who's on first? No, second base!" would be my response. Anyway...

Inmate McMullen and I and Java the Hutt were not the only absurd characters about to commit the unmentionable act in this macabre story of sordid affairs. I say "unmentionable" because any talk of the word "escape" in a jail is akin to offering a vampire a garlic sandwich. Or something like that. You just don't speak of it. Not even in humor. The last thing good people in charge of keeping bad people in cages want is to get embarrassed. And someone escaping from jail would be very embarrassing to say the least. But there were other bit players here and there who were accomplices, unknowingly for the most part, but some, quite knowingly, if only for the sport of just doing it to see if it could be done. They knew about it, or heard about it, and a tiny little part of them said, "Yes!" I heard afterwards there was even a significant amount of money bet on the outcome, with the UES (underdog escaping scenario) making a nice 10 to 1 profit for those so inclined to take such kind of chances with their hard-earned tax-payer-funded state pay.

Well, the plan worked. McMullen got out and I got my money and Java got his, and the fucking bookie got his and we all lived fuckingly happily ever after. The end. Now you don't have to read anything else written here, because you know the ending. But everybody knows the ending of every story ever told anyway. It's the beginnings and the middles that are really the best parts of any good story. And they never end. So read on if you so choose. Or read back. To be honest, it's all going in the same direction anyway. All roads lead to Rome, to not coin a phrase.