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Friday, March 23, 2012

Tidiology 101

Tidiology  n. 1. The study of boredom.

Does anyone else have issues with boredom? Seems my whole life I've struggled with it. I mean, I hate being bored. It just sucks. Let's face it, boredom is just plain boring. And to be truthful, attempting to deal with it has led me down some pretty precarious roads to say the least. [sigh] I just don't like being bored. It's no fun. I like to be busy at something. Not necessarily stuff like fixing the doorknob or some other household task, a handyman I'm not. If I had the funds I'd much rather pay someone who enjoys working with his hands and fixing things. (Remember Bob Nehart's handyman at the inn? What was his name? That's who I'd hire!)

But I do like to be about productive activities.  I think we all do though. You just feel better. For whatever reason, metaphysical or otherwise, you feel "with it" and life is good. And to me, boredom is the exact opposite of that way of being. Not that I don't like to relax. But to me relaxing is just doing something interesting at a much slower pace. I don't know, maybe I'm like some kind of shark, I just can't stop swimming or I'll drown.

In light of that question above, it now seems pretty ironic that I spent a good part of my life working in a fucking jail. I mean, what place on earth could be more boring than a prison? Creativity is not a word even known to such people who run such places. They are all about the opposite. Control. And the more they have, the more they want. Control freaks run jails. They are in control of many, and the many they control, control many, and the many they control, control many, and so on down the line... Equality is also not a word known so much in such circles of thinking.

So how the hell did I end up in such a place? Well, it appears to be true. What you fear, you become. All my life growing up, I was afraid of being bored and being controlled, so what happened? I ended up being bored and controlled. Now when you're forced into such a corner, you can make one of only two choices. You join the "party" and become what you fear (which incidentally doesn't solve the problem either) or you can say, "No thank-you, I'm going home. Homey don't play that game." So in that sense, I guess working in a jail helped me. It forced me to answer the question once and for all of whether I truly believed all human beings to be equal and direct expressions of an infinitely loving universe or, if I believed in a chain-gang hierarchy of insecure assholes and paranoid sociopaths reaching up from here to the moon, all operating on the belief that fear, guilt, pain and punishment were justified based upon some allegedly evil pasts and speculatively dangerous futures of mere monkeys* who now walked upright and had the ability to think, talk and act like mere men. I suspect I made my choice long before arriving at Garden Valley State Prison, but the next 20 or so years of employment there would definitely cement my opinion on the matter for all eternity, so it was well worth my time there in that regard.

So yeah, it IS in fact true, what you fear you become. Like attracts like. Birds of a feather flock together. Fear attracts fear. Until you face it. Then you either stop fearing it (because you remember you stopped believing in fear as a means of control a long time ago) or you succumb to it; in which case you remain still imprisoned by it, awaiting your next "blessed opportunity" to face it and rise above it, by letting it go by the simple act of not believing in it anymore. It is that simple; but not always easy. Fear is a camouflaged chameleon not always easily exposed and often placed on the endangered species list by people who should know better but apparently don't. Truth is though, we already know fear is no way to run a universe. We just forget at times. I mean, it's been scientifically proven not to work. It's luuuuuuuuv, baby! Love runs the universe, despite apparent evidence to the contrary. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, baby luuuuuv!

[*In no instance here should the reader attempt to make any connection between the use of the word monkeys and any of the common populations often found residing in prison settings. The sole reference in using the word was to contrast the broad theory of evolution versus the specific truth of who we ALL (despite race, creed and/or color) might really just divinely be. In any case, readers looking for trouble will undoubtedly find it, though not coming from this unevolved author.]